Communication Issues:
The 4 Communication Stages
By Ken Rabow
They can talk for hours online but can’t make a simple phone call. We work first on communicating through emails, then phone calls, and then in real life. And it works!
The Four Communication Stages
Stage 1: Creating a Safe Space
We begin by building a calm, judgment-free environment where your child can look at issues, share how they feel, identify challenges, and explore new ways to approach them.
Stage 2: Practicing with the Parent-Partner
They learn to communicate these new perspectives within the family first, usually with you, their Parent-Partner. We start through short emails, then expand to practicing these skills with others such as teachers, managers, or academic advisors.
Stage 3: Real-World Application
This is where your child begins making phone calls, first to people they already know and later to those they do not, such as a school bookstore or receptionist for an appointment. Together, we plan and practice what to say or what to leave on voicemail until it feels natural.
Stage 4: Dynamic Communication
This is a profound stage that only comes once the first three are solid. Here, your child communicates directly, often with you, about challenging issues in a caring, meaningful way that leads to calmer reactions in stressful situations.
All of these stages help your child learn to speak their truth with wisdom, kindness, and clarity.
Look at the order of those four stages, because the order is the whole thing. Nobody makes it to stage four by being told to communicate better. They get there because stages one, two and three were built first, in that sequence, with someone beside them.
It is also why the phone call matters so much more than it looks. A young adult who cannot make one will avoid every conversation that could improve their life, and quietly call it a preference.
And stage four is the one you will feel most. That is where the hard conversations at home stop ending badly.
Click here and let’s find fifteen minutes, and you can tell me which stage your child is stuck at.
If you would rather not talk yet, I understand. It is a strange thing to phone a stranger about the trouble your child has phoning strangers. If you would like to see who they would be talking to, Meet Our Mentors, or keep reading about anger: The Anger That Is Really Something Else