Communication Issues:
The 4 Communication Stages

Your child is in their room gaming—again.

You call out, “Timmy, the trash has to be taken out by eight o’clock, and Smithers needs his walk or he’ll poop on the floor again.”

Silence.

You call again.

Finally, Timmy yells back, “All right! All right! I’ll do it!”

You go out, come back at eleven. All the garbage cans on the street are empty, and yours are still inside. Smithers has pooped near the door again, and Timmy is still in his room gaming.

You pound on the door. “You didn’t take out the trash! You didn’t walk the dog, and you haven’t left your room!”

You push open the door, grab his computer mid-game, disconnect it, and walk off. “I’m too easy on you. You never do what you promise, and you have no control over your life.”

Timmy stomps downstairs, walks over Smithers’ poop, grabs his car keys, slams the door, and stays at a friend’s house all night. He doesn’t go to school the next day.

You wonder if this cycle will ever change.
It can.

Flash forward two weeks.

You shared all of this during your consultation with us. You got Timmy to consider trying one session with me by telling him I said you should stop telling him what to do and instead email your mentor what needs attention and he and I would email you with our solutions and timelines.

The idea that you wouldn’t bug him for a week was enough to entice him into our first meeting.

At our first session, we go through Timmy’s goals, the challenges to those goals, and the first signposts of success. With some guidance, he picks truly wise choices.

I then bring up that you had mentioned the issue about the garbage and Smithers. In this safe online space, he shares that he felt bad about not taking Smithers out and that he keeps messing up with chores around the house.

Ken: “Timmy, when you’re supposed to be doing these chores, how are you spending your time?”

Timmy: “Well, I talk to my friends while we play W.O.W.”

Ken: “Am I right that there are campaigns in the game with breaks at certain times?”

Timmy: “Yeah. That’s usually when I eat my snack and chill.”

Ken: “What if we put a Post-it note on your screen to remind you to do whatever chore needs to be done that evening? Would that work?”

Timmy: “Yeah. It might.”

It does. You and Timmy have fewer “issues,” and you discover that emailing us about family events, packing for trips, being on time, and even doing the laundry actually starts to work.

Even Smithers and the carpet benefit!

The Four Communication Stages

Stage 1: Creating a Safe Space

We begin by building a calm, judgment-free environment where your child can look at issues, share how they feel, identify challenges, and explore new ways to approach them.

Stage 2: Practicing with the Parent-Partner

They learn to communicate these new perspectives within the family first, usually with you, their Parent-Partner. We start through short emails, then expand to practicing these skills with others such as teachers, managers, or academic advisors.

Stage 3: Real-World Application

This is where your child begins making phone calls, first to people they already know and later to those they do not, such as a school bookstore or receptionist for an appointment. Together, we plan and practice what to say or what to leave on voicemail until it feels natural.

Stage 4: Dynamic Communication

This is a profound stage that only comes once the first three are solid. Here, your child communicates directly, often with you, about challenging issues in a caring, meaningful way that leads to calmer reactions in stressful situations.

All of these stages help your child learn to speak their truth with wisdom, kindness, and clarity.        ← Back to Home Page